Every mother’s nightmare

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Last night was a horrible night.  After they tried the continuous nebulizer treatments, they checked his CO2 levels again and they were higher than they wanted them to be.  The resident called the attending and he came down to made the determination that Logan needed to intubated.  I cried a lot of tears.

Basically, Logan was just spending all of his energy on breathing and his respiratory rate was getting inconsistent.  He would go from a rate of 60-70 breaths per minute and then drop down to 20-30 breaths per minute.  The doc was concerned that he was getting too worn out.

I tried to hold Logan while they intubated him.  The resident tried first and was unsuccessful.  Every time they tried, I would freak out a little bit. After they sedated him with a combination of three different drugs, they would use the bag valve mask to provide him with breaths while they prepped the tube.  Then they would stop bagging him and try to insert the tube.  It doesn’t work like they show on TV.  It is a long process of trying to line the tube up with his airway and making sure that it gets correctly inserted into his trachea.  Then, they would hook the bag up to the tube and inflate to make sure that the tube was correctly placed.  It is actually really easy to tell if the tube is in the right place.  If you inflate the bag valve mask and his chest rises and falls,  you can be sure that he is getting air in his lungs.  If there is no rise and fall of the chest, you are probably pushing air into his stomach.

The first SIX tries, there was no rise and fall of the chest.  I was freaking out each time the attempt was unsuccessful.  I was crying and shaking and trying not to blame the doctor for the fact that Logan’s airway kept collapsing.  I remember trying to intubate a mannequin when I was doing my EMT labs (EMT’s don’t intubate, but it was fun to play).  It took me forever to  get the tube into the right place…and that was on an adult sized mannequin.  I can only imagine how difficult it would be do try to do this on an infant. 

After the finally got the tube placed, they put in a nasogastric (NG) tube into his nose.  That tube extends into his stomach so that he can receive yummy breast milk.  He hasn’t had anything to eat since Tuesday evening.

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No parent ever wants to see their kid like this…especially when he is so young.

This morning, a different attending physician came in to talk to me and bring me up to speed.  They drew some more blood early in the morning to check his CO2 levels again.  They still aren’t where they would like them to be. 

They are currently in the process of trying to put in a second IV so that they can administer multiple medications at the same time.  They are having a really hard time getting the IV in and will probably need to run another bolus to try to plump up his veins. 

The doctor also let me know that he may need to do a central line at some point.  I don’t want that to be the case, but I haven’t wanted any of these wires and tubes and they happen anyway.  The doc told me that Logan could be on the ventilator for several days because they want to be sure that the infection is cleared up and Logan will have the energy needed to breathe normally before they extubate him.

Tim is going to come down to the hospital tonight and I am going to try to get a chiropractic adjustment.  I’m very stiff and can’t really fully rotate my neck.  The combination of really high stress and trying to sleep on a recliner is making me very sore.  And, I realized that the entire time they were trying to intubate him last night, I was clenching my jaw.

I am so grateful for all of you who have been praying for Logan and for everyone who has offered to help by bringing me coffee and snacks and things from home.  I am so thankful for all of the support and I will never be able to thank you enough.  Please keep praying that Logan will improve and that they will be able to remove the tube sooner than they had hoped.

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5 thoughts on “Every mother’s nightmare

  1. Pingback: Looking back on 2011 « (G)O'Donnell

  2. I’ve just placed Logan on our church’s prayer chain. Asking for a quick recovery and strength for you guys.

  3. Heather, I am SO sorry that Logan is so sick…. I know this is terribly hard on a mom. (And a dad, too!) I am praying that Logan will improve quickly!

  4. OH Heather, you are so strong. It breaks my heart to see your baby like this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I admire you so much for being such a devout mother, wife, worker and still manage to take the time for your friends. I love you.

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